Hate, Obsession...and Love
by Shibby1
Summary: *slash* Hary/Draco angst, what more could anyone ask for...¬_¬ A chance meeting in a hallway changes everything...


Harry Potter and the rest of it doesna belong to me, incase you didn't know that .;; Uuuh...just a little ficcy to quell the depression by reading all the /very/ unhappy ficcies I've read with this couple so far T_T  
  
  
Hate, Obsession..and Love  
  
  
Hate; disgust; malice; pain...that is really all I can find in myself. I simply don't know any other emotions. I never found it a problem until it got me into trouble. In trouble with /him/...  
  
Now every time I turn around I snap even more nastily than the last when /his/ face comes into view. I can't help it, it's my only defence. He ruined everything. I'm no longer the best, no longer the one everyone admires. Everytime I do something, he does it better. Every time I fail, he succeeds. And ooh how I loathe him for it....I want nothing more than to wipe that smile off his face, force him to feel utter and complete pain, be it by means of physical attack or magic. And with this drive, I've recieved more detentions that I can count on two hands--I'm in detention right now as a matter of fact--I've lost more house points than anyone else in Slytherin this year, and yet, the teachers never learn. I can't simply stop, my hate for him surpasses their petty punishments. My hate is my obsession.  
  
And here is where I realize my obsession is my love, as twisted and corrupt as that is. I still despise him. I want to see his blood on my hands; savour it. But I live for him...everything I do is for him, no matter the initial intent. Dreams are the key to what's inside they say, and in my dreams he is mine. Mine to do with as I please, be it malicious or romatically inclined. Bet you never thought of me as the romantic type, did you? I'm not completely heartless. Atleast, I might not be if I had someone to share with.../him/ to share with. He hates me though. And that is perfectly fine. I live for his anger, his spite and his choked retorts as I hurt him and his friends through insults. I'm waiting for the day when he trully does attack me. The Weasly boy has, and I was bruised for a good week around my eye for it. Little prick is on my hate-list for good, but that doesn't stop me from wanting /him/.   
  
There, I said it. I want /him/. I want Harry Potter. The saviour of our world, the only one to ever drive off Voldemort--the name that brings fear at it's simple mention...I cannot put to words the drive I have to possess him, and until I do, I will continue to lash out hurtfully. Perhaps it's not the best way to achieve my goal, but it's the only way I know.   
  
Funny how the only time I really get to brood over my disgust with Harry is when I'm being punished for it. Writing out useless spells I will never use seems to be the only time I ever trully get to sink into myself. It makes me wonder if hate will ever consume me. Perhaps it aleady has? It's/his/ fault I'm here anyways. I couldn't help it if I had the urge to put an extra ingriedient in his cauldron, turning a simple nausea cure into a fire breathing potion. It wasn't my fault he set Snape's robes on fire. How they caught me I'm still not sure, and it was unfortunate that I lost 20 house points, but it's not like I honestly care about that anymore.   
  
I smile a little to myself as I'm dismissed, raising gracefully from my seat to exit the class room and head back to my dorm. The halls are always changing in this school, it's fascinating if you think about it, but I'm too tired and hungry to. I missed supper because of the damned detention. I glance about the halls keenly, running pale grey eyes over every detail. I don't want to run in with that pain in the ass poltergeist when in such a pissy mood.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
I ran hard, as fast as I could to get away from the Gryffindor house. Taking every turn possible through the winding dark hallways. I know I'm not supposed to be in the halls after hours, and that if I'm caught, they'll take away more housepoints than I've ever lost before--and that's a lot--but I can't be there...I can't go back tonight. Now, as I weave through the passages, tears sting in my eyes, and I'm so confused I don't think I could tell you the difference between football and Quidditch.  
  
She told me she loved me. Then she kissed me. Three years in this school, thinking Hermione was my best friend, then she said three little words that utterly shook the foundation I'd based things on. And her lips...ooh how I hurt her..  
  
I didn't mean to!! I honestly didn't! I do love her! But not the way she loves me. I wish I could rewind and have conveniently left before she said /it/, but I can't, and it would have happened sooner or later anyways. I whip around another left, the long black robe I still haven't changed out of rustling loudly in my ears as I bring a hand up to wipe angry tears from my eyes. I'm angry at myself..I froze. Her lips touched mine and I froze. I couldn't return it, I love someone else. When I told her that, her eyes...her eyes were so hurt, so utterly pained, I couldn't bear it, and I ran.  
  
Ha, the mocking tone rings through my mind. Some brave hero I am. I ran like a coward at the sight of her tears, and now I cry my own for my stupidity. What kind of wizard am I? How can I make it better? What can I do to make things right? How can I possibly--Ah!  
  
My circling thoughts come to an abrupt halt as I crash into another. I panic, green eyes flashing open in terror, praying to anyone who'll hear that it isn't a proffessor, please no more detention, no more lost house points! I push myself up to offer a hand to the equally sprawled form infront of me, blubbering appologies faster than I can think them up...and freeze.   
  
O-oh no...not him...anyone but him..  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
I blink widely as I'm suddenly knocked off balance...hard. I wince as the stone floor is less than giving to my back, letting out a slight cough and groan with the wind knocked out of me. I push myself up slowly to a half sitting position, listening to someone's fast, sobbing appologies. How /dare/ they knock me over! Flashing my eyes open to snap angrily, I abruptly tense, raising my eyebrows incredulously as shock registers through my system.  
  
It's /him/...  
  
And he's crying...  
  
"Potter!" I exclaim...but that's it. The insult doesn't come. I simply gape a bit, I've never seen him cry before. I thought it would be satisfying, but he isn't crying because /I/ made him, so it isn't. His eyes are paniced as he notices it's me, stammering, "M-malfoy--!" but his hand remains there to offer help.  
  
I take it, mustering up my best withering scowl and he cringes, pulling me up. More apologies, but his whimpering disgusts me, and yet...draws me in. I can't name the feeling, but I wish him to stop it.  
  
"In the future, I suggest you /watch/ where you're going." I utter coldly, more out of habit than the odd feeling surrounding me at the moment, more tears escape his eyes and his hand is scrubbing at his them to cease their flow. I know he's shamed to show such weakness infront of me, "And what are you doing outside of your dorm? A quick call and you loose enough points to have your house in last place." I threaten, though I find myself not in the mood to hurt him right now. Instead, there's a possesive anger building up towards whoever reduced Harry to such a state. He's mine to torture, no one elses.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
How can life be so cruel! I stammer my apologies anyways, I can't compose myself now, it's beyond my means, "I said I was sorry!" I cry in my defence as Draco snaps at me to watch where I'm going. It's not my fault he was in my way! And now...oh the timing of him...I can't face him rationally, he's the reason I hurt Hermione, he's the reason I can't love her.   
  
I simply choke back another sob as he threatens my house. Let him. Hermione already hates me, and Ron will once he finds out who it is I really love. Let him make them hate me for another reason. I've been through the shame of being shunned. I've lost so many points I almost made Gryffindor loose the cup the first year...almost.  
  
"Then do it and get out of my way!" I snap back, glaring through defiant, wet eyes. My sudden anger takes my mind off of my problem, and if I'm angry, I can't dwell on love. Let him goad me, let him taunt. I welcome the distraction.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
I raise an eyebrow again, watching Harry stand up for himself before smiling darkly, tilting my head a little to watch his slightly taller frame. True, he's bigger than me, but it never results to anything physical anyways. Pity. "No." I reply simply, watching him as he furrows his brow angrily, then tries to push past.   
  
I snap my arm out to place my hand against the wall, blocking his escape, "Why are you crying?" the question almost shocks me as much as I read his own on his face. His gaze is wide-eyed and confused as he looks at me, and for a second, I miss the hate. But only for a second.  
  
"Why do you care?" his tone is quiet and almost lost, as if he's returning to whatever thought process lead him here. I give him a disgusted look, how dare he question my motive! It's none of his business whether I care or not. But instead of snapping, 'I don't!' I simply shrug, narrowing him another glare. His eyes leave mine, and he drops his head, falling back from the arm that blocks his escape.   
  
~*~*~*~  
  
I can't meet his eyes anymore. How can I tell him what's made me break down? I'll bet he's laughing at me. I'll bet he will have this spread all over the school by tomorrow morning, and at breakfast, everyone else will be laughing at me too. Harry Potter, the loser who can't handle love and a little kiss. I'll be a joke among the other 3rd years.  
  
And yet...beyond the obvious disgust in his manner, he doesn't answer my question. Maybe he does care? Or maybe I'm a fool. Maybe it doesn't matter whether I tell him or not. I can't shame Hermione anymore than I have, but it hurts...and I might as well tell someone, and by someone why not him? I don't have to see him all the time if he laughs. And yet, it is his fault. It's his fault I got in this mess in the first place. It's his fault I hurt Hermione, and it's /my/ fault for falling in love with his bloody pompus attitude.   
  
"Because of you," I mutter, without looking up, "because of you, I hurt someone else." I remain staring at my shoes, just so I don't see his reaction. Again, I prove my cowardess...but if I look up, I won't be able to continue. More tears fall from my eyes. "H-Hermione told me she loved me, and because of you, I could not return her feelings. Because of you, I have ruined my friendship." Anger bubbles slightly before I return my eyes to his own, the shock in their grey depths not even registering, "Because of you, I hate myself!"  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
He...what? I blink, stunned with his explanation. So I did make him cry? Why can't I feel good about it then? Where has my bitterness gone? And why the /hell/ do I feel like I did something wrong! I want to heatedly retort, I can think of so many things to say to make him shatter, to make him break beyond possible repair. But I can't bring myself to say them, I can't even bring myself to move.   
  
He backs up, wiping his eyes again and my hand...as if it has a mind of its own, suddenly grabs his arm. The pain in his eyes faulters slightly as the unexpected move confuses him. He braces slightly as if I were to punch him, and as much as I would love to turn the situation around and break his nose, I can't. These tears...they're not for me. I caused them, but they're not for me. They're for her. And because of this, they hurt me. Instead of pummeling his face into unrecognition I pull him into a kiss.  
  
Please don't ask me why I resulted to that...I could not explain to you if you did, it simply seemed the right thing to do, and if he pushed me away, I could go back to my hate, my angered spite...in a way, that's what I want.   
  
~*~*~*~  
  
H-his lips...  
  
His lips are on mine...  
  
So soft...urgent...so unlike his tight grip on my arm...  
  
This is who I pictured when Hermione kissed me...that was why I could not return it, and this is what I wanted.   
  
I whimper softly against his lips before my arms find their way around his neck and I pull myself against him tightly, sealing my mouth over his to return the kiss with all the pent up aggression, hate, hurt...and love. My fingers on one hand find their way to his platinum hair, burrying themselves in the silky longish strands to hold him against me. I can feel him tense under my sudden forwardness, but I don't care. He initialized it, he will suffer the consequenses. I will not let him go until I am damn good and ready.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The forceful return catches me off gaurd. I almost pull away but suddenly his arms are around me, his body against mine. I can feel the heat of him through the thick robes we wear and I've lost control of the kiss. Yet...I can't back away now. I decide to take back the control, pushing him against the wall to place a thigh between his legs, pinning him effectively while running my tongue over his lips. One arm sliding around his waist, the other pressed against the wall gives me the most leverage as he gives into my urges, allowing me access to his mouth. He tastes sweet, and he excites me further as I delve into the hot little cavern, claiming and exploring; returning the fevered emotions he sends through the pleasurable action.  
  
His tongue dances with mine, a fight for possession, for dominance, and for expression, taking my breath away as well as my thoughts. We reach an understanding through the liplocked embrace...and nothing will ever be the same. It opens unlimited possibilities, and seals off the same amount. Magic cannot compare to the feeling that floods my system with Harry's lips on my own, his tongue entwined with mine. I hate him for making me love him...and I would do anything in my power to stop his hurt.  
  
The kiss is broken as our lungs scream for air. I gasp for breath as I tilt my head lightly to rest my cheek against his own, and his hand begins to slowly move through my hair...it has the most pleasing calming effect I've ever experienced. I don't have much to compare Harry's touches to, I don't come from an affectionate family, and I've never felt the need to seek such attentions before. But now...this I could get accustomed to. I can feel a hot splash on my cheek and I blink slightly, pulling away to regard him.  
  
His eyes are still closed, and the tears have begun once more. I've lost track of who they're for, and I don't really care anymore, furrowing my brow slightly to place the hand against the wall on his cheek. His eyes open slowly, and bloodshot jade meets my own.  
  
"M-Malfoy..Draco, I--" I cut him off with a bit of a glare and a finger against his lips. His eyes look hurt agan but I shake my head softly, I know what he's going to say. My eyes soften slightly, just enough to look humane, and I kiss him lightly once more, my lips ghosting over his own.  
  
"I know. Me too." I can't yet face those words...too many hours of brooding hatefully, the bitterness that fills my soul...those words would break me. Thinking them blows my mind, but to hear them...say them outloud...it would destroy me.  
  
He lets out another soft sob, his arms moving to wrap around my chest as his embrace tightens. It's...an odd feeling, to be so close to the one I usually wish such malicious intent upon. But it also feels right. He is mine...be damned if anyone else will hurt him.   
  
~*~*~*~  
  
His kiss is intense...he returns it with such anger, and yet...the feelings are reciprocated. I cannot tell you how I know, but they're there, in the aggressively gentle way he moves against me. My tears come again, but for an entirely different reason...I never would have thought--he's always so hurtful, so utterly spiteful, yet I love him...he's the only one..the only one who wouldn't fall at my feet when I first made it here. The only one to treat me as if I were less than them. It sounds odd, I know, but...he treats me as if I'm simply another kid in the school that annoys him; unwittingly steals his glory from him...if it were someone else who'd done that, and still had my name, they would have recieved the same treatment.  
  
His hand graces my cheek softly, and I try to utter the words I want to say but he cuts me off. However...with his words, all that needs to be said is said. I return his kiss, loosing myself in the almost soft expression, then I sob softly again and pull myself closely against him, burrying my face in his hair...I no longer cry for despair...I cry for happiness.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
If I were any less of a person, I would have been overwhelmed. Perhaps hate had not completely consumed me after all. I can't just shake off the hate I still feel when I think of how he'd destroyed everything I stood for, but...the bitterness, the anger is gone. In time, I might forgive him.   
  
Harry kisses me softly once more then smiles. I am nearly confused with the expression, he's never smiled at me before, and though his scowl is beautiful, so is this...  
  
"We'll be caught if we stay out here any longer...Peeves patrols here at night and he'll alert the Professors faster than you can shake your wand to stop him." I nod, knowing he's right, and though it irks me slightly that I didn't say it first, I don't mind. Slowly, I pull away from him and gather myself a bit more, still in recovery from the previous actions.  
  
"Meet me tomorrow by the forrest, after Quidditch practise." My invite is more of a demand, but he agrees with an odd light in his eyes all the same, smiling once more then turning back towards his house, dropping a kiss on my cheek before quickly dissapearing into the darkness. I sigh softly, running a hand through my hair...missing the way his felt.  
  
What the hell have I gotten myself into...I can't just hate him anymore. I can't sulk and brood and wish unthinkable pain upon him...because now he is mine. Strangely, I find myself more open to this than I would have thought myself to be. I smile a little to myself before heading off to my own dorm, not brooding for once.  
  
~fin~  
  
Yeah yeah, shoot me if ya like ._. but I needed to write a fic where Draco and Harry had a somewhat happy ending without being /too/ OOC T_T Tell me what you think?  
  
  
  



End file.
